Personal development results from deliberate and individual steps, which combine a self-questioning with opening oneself to others. In so doing, personal development evicts the individual from his ivory tower, constructed from his habits, rules, values, and accepted truths, solidly and logically organized, which protects and safeguards him, but which also imprisons him.
If self-questioning constitutes the first stage in personal development, questioning others or driving them to question themselves, facilitates the person’s capacity for oral, written and gesture expression. Therein lays the second, broad dimension of personal development.
In a general sense, “to develop”, means to grow – in other words, to acquire, stock, and accumulate knowledge. In The Emotional Coaching, however, what we understand by “developing” is the fact of acquiring new knowledge, and the fact of experimenting. To develop personally is to evolve while transforming oneself, in other words, to “move” in a manner altogether linear, progressive and regular.
Personal development is a return to the light. For this, The Emotional Coaching proposes first to learn to make use of one-self and to discover one’s Emotional Intelligence.
LEARN TO PUT OURSELVES AT OUR DISPOSAL
Generally, we allow our negative representations to imprison us - devaluation, a tempestuous return to the past and a more or less pronounced propensity for self-guilt - which prevent us from moving forward. Everything happens as if we were expecting our environment to bring with it a solution to our problems. We rely on the teacher, doctor, priest or psychologist to learn to write, count, drive, swims, pray, think, heal, dream, love, feel… We espouse the cultural, familial and environmental models. We are glued to the signs, gestures and speeches on the stage of our day-to-day lives. In other words, although no one could take charge of our lives better than we could, we leave it to our environment to put our lives in order. In the face of such a state of affairs, how do we put ourselves at our own disposal? In the first instance, we hold the keys… Then, what are they? Where are they, and how do we reach them?
Self-guilt and devaluation of oneself are the moorings from which we only admit entry to staunchness and resistance. Why not attempt to identify our aptitudes instead? Our environment – family, school, business – that judges us, has taught us to judge, indeed, to judge ourselves and to be cautious. Any declaration of aptitude engages the individual and makes him responsible… In other terms, self-devaluation and self-guilt allow for a very accommodating self-complacency.
Indeed, efforts and taking risks cost the individual dearly because they force him to surpass himself. Feeling incapable of realizing something means feeding the sentiment of a greater probability of failure than of success. From a certain point of view, this threat protects the individual from the unknown since it forbids him from moving towards the discovery of something else. Repressed desires and/or inhibitions based on deductive rationalizations, such as, “I’ve never learned; I never had the opportunity; I couldn’t get into training; I don’t want to try, I am not made for this!” immobilize and prevent the individual from any encounter with the unknown.
It may be easier to settle on our inabilities and to set limitations than to pursue success and realizations… Education is partly responsible for this state of affairs… Anyway, it is the case… Ultimately, acting in such a manner, means not to love oneself. Because what does love mean, when it comes to ourselves, if it is not the capacity to accept ourselves, to live through our strength and through our energy, and to recognize ourselves in our real place, in spite of whatever people may think of us. Loving ourselves is to believe in what we are doing, which contrary to complacency, is a need, free and without witness. No one else but us knows what we have done or is able to do. The bitter individual is simply someone who has not been able to encompass the amplitude of his potential, wasn’t able to promote it, to sustain it, or to use it in order to create a legacy - somehow his personal history is lacking.
It is in action that we build. When we don’t put ourselves at our own disposal, we risk hating ourselves and to have people hate us. Indeed, how do we love someone who continuously looks guilty, and devalues himself? To put ourselves at our disposal is to stop ruing our actions and our mistakes and to stop the remorse. It is indeed important to remember… recalling the failures of the past stultifies today and is a hindrance in creating tomorrow….
The Emotional Coaching teaches not to impose limits on oneself any longer. How? First in “anticipating ourselves”, that is to say in creating a zone of risk submitted to the stress that separates the one-self from the happy other-self, and then in accepting all of the solicitations to live the unknown, the non-familiar. Ultimately, the key resides in the right we give ourselves to make mistakes or to fail. Accepting that we may stumble and not succeed will release the over pressure and lead to success.